Forward Ever Forward

Video set to Charlie Daniel’s song of the 50 states ~ it’s awesome!

It’s that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you’re losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: “bread.” If you said “toast,” give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say “silk ” five times. Now spell “silk..” What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk,” don’t attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said “water”, proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green bricks,” why the hell are you still reading these???
If you said “glass,” go on to Question 4.

4. It’s twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man’s land”?

Answer: You don’t bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you’re a dunce and you must stop. If you said, “You don’t bury survivors”, proceed to the next question

5. Without using a calculator – You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on . In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.

What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don’t you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

Incredible !!

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is.They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read,  ‘and so the pig went up to the man with the  Wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused, then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly …’I think the  man would have said – ‘Well, I’ll be damned!! A talking pig!’

The teacher had to leave the room.

Don’t tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway

-but the Hershey Man will know!

This is pretty fun.

DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute.
Work this out as you read.
Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it’s fun.

Chocolate Calculator

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 — I’ll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759 ..
If you haven’t, add 1758.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2009) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.

For those who remember.

Two of the greatest hoofers that ever came down the pike. Eleanor Powell was just too good. Fred Astaire never elected to be paired with her again. Frank Sinatra said we will not see the likes of this again.

They are not rolling around on the floor. Eleanor Powell is fully clothed with a dress below her knees, and in high heels, sadly a bygone era of civility and grace.

1. The year: 1940 (68 years ago)

2. The narrator is Frank Sinatra

3. It was filmed in ONE unedited camera shot

According to new law that goes into effect May 1, 2009 you will no longer be able to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a ‘hands free’ adapter.

I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a headset with a microphone for my cell phone.

Having a friend in the cell phone business, I talked with him and was able to come up with an alternative, working through Office Depot.

These kits are compatible with any mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid him $0.08 each because he bought in quantity.

Then we tried it with Motorola, Sprint, Verizon and Nokia units and they worked perfectly.

A photo is shown below, so take a look and let me know if you want one.

Also, forward this to anyone you know, who has a cell phone, and who may want one!

I can hear you laughing. I thought you could use a laugh. WE ALL NEED TO LAUGH MORE — HAVE A GREAT DAY!

A Mother passing by her son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Mom’ With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion…Mom she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don’t worry Mom. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,

Your Son Paul

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at Dustin’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it’s safe to come home.

Perfect for those healthy people who are rude enough to park in handicap parking!